Love is hard...

Love is hard isn't it?Long time ago,i ease for someone to love mi,care for mi,loving mi e way i wan it to be...

Sometimes in april 2005,he found mi...i dun love him at all...he was nice to mi...waited for mi to close shop almost everyday...send mi home rite after tt juz to spend a little more time wif mi...he took bus juz to come to orchard to find mi...to wait for mi to end my work...everyday...when i crave for some food,he'll cooked it for mi...though i'm not meeting him at all...he make an effort to come to find mi to pass mi e food...if he noes i din eat my dinner(which i always skip it last time),he'll get some finger food for mi...juz to make sure in my stomach there is something...he is nice to mi...i noe he loves mi alot or shld i say likes mi alot alot...i long for tis type of bf to care and love mi...but only one way cant do e trick rite?Cant make e chemistry work rite?I din let tis r/s start to bloom at all...i din...i noe i'm e one at fault...coz i really hurt his heart din i?

A yr,a month,3days ago,i found him...the one tt i really love...i lik him...he's cute...noeing him was a mircale?Maybe...he juz move into tis area not long ago...and was looking for frenz...i was one of them...i still can rmb he told mi i was cute...Hahaa...was tt true?I really wonder now...Din wanna love someone anymore tt was wat i told myself...i was bored all those days...he was dere...toking to mi almost every other day...msn...soon,sms....on tt special day,he ask mi to be his girl...his one and only...i agree...din noe y i agree oso...does tis consider yuan fen?Maybe...I noe things cant go on smoothly btw mi and him...coz of my family bkgrd...i tried...i tried...i told my mom about him...my mom cant accept him...neither do my father...maybe e only one accepting him is my bro?i duno...i love him...i noe i do...otherwise,i wouldn't let my parents noe about him...our r/s started out well...sweet and comfy...he was nice...on tt day...many other days too...

but soon,cracks in our r/s starts...he got frenz to go out wif...he has girl best frenz...he loves play cs till late...pool playing was wat he lik to do wif his frenz...go la wif his frenz is wat he loves too....but all these i hate it...coz i dun have...i noe i'm feeling jealous about it...so i start to control him...check his phone...got angry whenever he goes out wif his frenz...he doesn't lik mi to call him,sms him when he is out wif his frenz...he finds mi a irrating person...but Y CANT HE TINK FOR MI?All i got was him...mi always online waiting for him to tok to mi thru msn...i got no other frenz to tok to...no online games forr mi too...ALL I'VE WAS HIM...I learn to accept it...i learn...i tried to play cs...askin ppl to teach mi...tried to learn pool...asking ppl to teach mi...so tt i can play wif him...i learn...I juz bear wif it coz of something tt happen on 24.12.05...it was then how much he loves mi...

Things goes on...our love grows....i start to realise he dun do things he shld do to mi...wat he as a lover shld do for mi...i juz bear wif it...i gif him everything i could gif to him...i feel i'm always e one making sure tis r/s will works...i really envy other gfs who can get monthy love presents from their bfs...which i nvr get to get it often...i only get it once i ask for it...Isn't showing tt u love ur girl is a muz?I dunoo...i really duno...I gif him my 100%...y cant he gif mi juz 90% of sincere,love,care?Watever he wans,i try my best to get it for him...help him...acc him everywhere he wanna go...y cant he juz do it for mi?Y?

More and more things happen on mi...i throw all my tempers on him...e most little thing he do wrong i'll get mad over it...I JUZ CANT CONTROL IT!Recently i juz dump all those anger onto him...every single thing he do wrongly,i'll throw my temper at him...i feel so sad and empty everyday...i dunno who i am...i duno y am i living on tis world for...i hate life like tis...i wanted a change...a change in my life and his...but i cant...he doesn't allow mi too...he ask mi to wait for another 3yrs...by then,e change i wan then will happen...but i dun wanna wait tt long...i noe by then still,i cant have e change i wanted...coz he cant...he cant do it for mi now...he cant do it w/o permission now...how can he do it in 3yrs time?i tried my best to believe in wat he told mi and try not to mention anything about it...but e smallest thing he do wrong,i'll take tis out and quarrel over it...I really duno how he feels over mi...maybe he doesn't really love mi at all...I really duno...sometimes he showed he loves mi...sometimes i really cant feel his love for mi...is tis e correct way?I really duno...

To u :
I nvr noe u would scold mi...
I nvr noe u would scold mi...
HOW CAN U DO TT WHEN U ALWAYS CLAIM I'M E ONLY ONE U LOVE?
U hurt mi so much,so deep...
I noe i'm in e wrong...
But do u've to scold mi tt word?
I got scoldings all e time...
I noe i'm useless...
But do u've to scold mi tt word?
I noe i'm useless...
I noe i'm...
Is dere really a need to scold mi tt?
U REALLY DUN GET HEARTACHE WHEN U SCOLDED MI TT,DIN U?
I love u so much...so much tt i'm wiling to die for u juz to gif u my heart if can...
Y u muz do all these to mi?Y?

Let mi tell u now...i really hate all ur frenz...lik how they hated mi...
Coz they took away ur heart from mi...they took u away...i hated them...
nvr once i saw them i'll be happy...juz lik they nvr feel happy when i tag along when u meet them...I dun need so much frenz's company coz i got u...y cant u do e same to mi?I got not much frenz...i only got u...all i wan is u to love mi more,care and concern about mi more...y cant u do tt?

Maybe our love is juz like Jay's Song...Shan Hu Hai...

(Jay) 海平面远方开始阴霾 悲伤要怎么平静纯白
我的脸上 始终挟带 一抹浅浅的无奈

(Lara) 你用唇语说你要离开 (心不在)
(合) 那难过无声慢了下来 汹涌潮水 你听明白 不是浪而是泪海

(合) 转身离开 (你有话说不出来) 分手说不出来 海鸟跟鱼相爱 只是一场意外
我们的爱 (给的爱) 差异一直存在 (回不来) 风中尘埃 (等待) 竟累计成伤害

(合) 转身离开 (分手说不出来) 分手说不出来 蔚蓝的珊瑚海 错过瞬间苍白
当初彼此 (你我都) 不够成熟坦白 (不应该) 热情不再 (你的) 笑容勉强不来 爱深埋珊瑚海

(Jay) 毁坏的沙雕如何重来 有裂痕的爱怎么重盖
只是一切 结束太快 你说你无法释怀

(Lara) 贝壳里隐藏什么期待 (等花儿开)
(合) 我们也已经无心再猜 面向海风 咸咸的爱 尝不出还有未来

(合) 转身离开 (你有话说不出来) 分手说不出来 海鸟跟鱼相爱 只是一场意外
我们的爱 (给的爱) 差异一直存在 (回不来) 风中尘埃 (等待) 竟累计成伤害

(合) 转身离开 (分手说不出来) 分手说不出来 蔚蓝的珊瑚海 错过瞬间苍白
当初彼此 (你我都) 不够成熟坦白 (不应该) 热情不再 (你的) 笑容勉强不来 爱深埋珊瑚海

I love u...I love u...Sigh...

Love is so difficult isn't it?One has e heart tt i ease for yet i dun love him...one is e true love of mine yet he doesn't have e heart tt i wan...y cant god juz make HIM the one with e heart i wan and e one tt i love forever?ARGH!~

Princess Ranice Signing Off...